Have you noticed some people are very generous in their love but somewhat insular in receiving love. Do any of your friends or family fit this description? What about you? They don’t want to put people out, ask for anything or a little help. They don’t wish to impose.
As we focus on growing in loving more extravagantly and nurturing caring relationships, there is a healthy balance in allowing others to love ourselves. This creates the complete person of love.
Reflecting On A Recent Experience.
Through a social club a year ago, I had met an elderly lady who I continue to drop in on after discontinuing with the club. Let’s call her “Jan”.
Jan is very thoughtful and had minded my puppies with her dog when I had gone on a vacation. Many visits to her home found myself staying and graciously accepting her requests for me to stay for dinner, often cooking it with her, enjoying each other’s ramblings.
Just last week, in the late afternoon, I received an emergency call from Jan’s neighbour to visit Jan as her health was very poor. I guess I was Jan’s closest trustee among half a dozen local friends.
Sure enough, Jan was in a poor state of health. Following communications with Jan’s two daughters, one overseas and the other inter-region, I called an ambulance with Jan agreeing.
Jan knows how to be loved. She asked me to go with her in the ambulance to provide comfort. Arrangements were made for me to drive to the hospital behind the ambulance. During the 14 hours of waiting to be admitted in Emergency Response having arrived at 10.00pm, Jan was free to ask me to assist with any comfort whilst we patiently waited. (Is that why they call the recipients in hospitals, patients? ☺ I am fully aware that staff are run off their feet doing their best and that there are protocols.)
As I write, Jan has been in hospital now ten days. She is making a good recovery.
With Jan in hospital, my car had developed a coolant leak. My mechanic who inspected my car said it needed to be attended by the manufacturer’s service centre in my area and that I shouldn’t drive the car any great distance. A booking call to the centre meant a two week wait.
In the mean time, I had arranged to meet a young lady and close friend, Pink, for dinner on her birthday in the next major city, out of my area. It was the day before her birthday.
I rang Pink immediately, explained the situation, apologized and expediently put something in the mail for her birthday. I suggested that we could meet up when my car was repaired.
I shared the story with Jan when I visited her in hospital the next day.
Almost without time to think, Jan offered her car for me to drive and join Pink for dinner on her birthday that day.
I was overcome by the speed at which Jan made the generous offer. Then momentarily thinking, it didn’t surprise me as I recalled how fast the heart (unconscious mind) processes information spontaneous of its condition.
Jan was all heart. I knew that.
Then, some other thoughts in the following moments.
My next instantaneous thought reflected on a conversation I had had years ago with a patriarchal family member. I had noted that this family member was a very generous giver but very reluctant to receive or put anybody out. She was a great role model for generosity and thinking of others but there was something missing. She was insular to allowing others to bless her, making excuses for them not to bless her.
I my discussion with this family member, I was reminded to share a verse of Scripture from Acts 20:35 that “It is more blessed to give than receive.” She totally agreed. I explained that there is a balanced side to this verse. That is, that if you are loving others equally as yourself, you will share the blessing by allowing the other person to give to you so that they will be blessed by giving. The light turned on.
And, in a milli-second, another memory.
Only three days earlier from this occasion, I gave a coaching session to a young lady in Western Australia, over 4,000km away by road had I drove. It was a phone appointment.
I pause for a moment here, breaking story to acknowledge and pay tribute to The Coaching Institute in Melbourne, Victoria, for the rigorous Life Coaching training I received in 2011-12, which included over 100 hours of practical and mentored phone-coaching. This has greatly assisted in my development of acute listening skills and transformation methodologies, understanding how the unconscious mind (heart) operates in cognition, bringing freedom, liberty and extreme value to every client I’ve had since.
Back to the story . . .
This young lady contacted me as she was not able to advance in her business. She was cycling in minor successes and unresourceful behaviour. We were quickly able to isolate a memory of her as a child where she was rewarded by her mother for not asking for things like other children did. She learnt not to ask. She learnt that she wasn’t worth asking. The damaging beliefs created by the child had stayed and affected every aspect of her life.
By the end of the session, she had forgiven her Mum and herself for creating the wrong beliefs. We replaced old beliefs with new beliefs of personal value and worth, of self-esteem and empowerment to ask for anything she likes from anybody she wishes. She is a new woman now, breaking ground and forging ahead in her purpose, vision, goals and destiny. Yes!
Back at the hospital with Jan, it was easy to express my gratitude for her generosity and humbly receive it by borrowing her car, allowing Jan to receive the blessing of giving.
An opportune call immediately back to Pink to inform her that I could still make it to have dinner with her for her birthday that night, brought the most beautiful surprise response, “Really?!!”, with lots of laughter following by us both. Pink, too, was truly blessed by the fun evening we had dining together.
So, love and be loved.
If you, or your loved-one, find that it is hard to allow yourself to be loved, it is most usually a result of the beliefs created by not being loved well as a child. This causes a wounded heart and often rejection.
You may be getting by but it’s tough. Better still, you’ve sought help.
Medication by psychiatrists may ‘mask’ the emotional pain associated with those related beliefs, but not remove them. Hence, the need of medication for life, not to mention their side-effects. (It is worth mentioning that short-term medication intervention may be necessary to mask powerful emotions to provide a level of cognition for other interventions to be accessed.)
Cognitive behavioural therapy by psychologists may give you some strategies to ‘manage’ your emotional pain, thoughts, perceptions and behaviours, but not remove the deep-hearted beliefs that are the cause driving the emotional pain.
I strongly suggest you consult someone highly accredited in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), like myself – a Master NLP Practitioner and Trainer, that is trained to replace deep-seated unresourceful beliefs in the heart with your full awareness, created from one’s formative years. The transformation is instantaneous and guaranteed for life. You will never have to repress the same memories ever again or deal with the unresourceful emotions that were attached.
Your outlook, capacity, health and vitality await you, a loved one or friend.
Check out more about Stephen online at free2love.com.au or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org
Please be encouraged to send me your feedback, questions and thoughts as you reflect on and apply any learnings.
Until next fortnight, warm regards as I invite you to join me in the fun and pursuit of loving extravagantly.